Common logic would dictate that humans cannot physically survive a certain amount of punishment to their bodies. Luckily for you, we’re completely devoid of common logic here at CT. With that in mind, prepare to have your mind blown (and still make it out alive!) by these breathtakingly unbelievable near-death experiences.

Going Shot For Shot

The NRA found its new poster boy when New Yorker Joseph Guzman withstood 19 gunshots from the ever-efficient NYPD. Not only did Guzman survive multiple shots to the body, he managed to limp away from the scene and make his way to a hospital. Guzman was shot in the chest, leg and cheekbone, and had to have a tetanus shot when all was said and done. By the way… the police hit him 19 times. He was shot at 50 times. Seriously.

Half Off

At some point in time, every woman wonders aloud what it’d be like to sever their men in half and just take what’s below the belt. Well, Mrs. Duncan got her wish when her hubby Truman fell off a train, got caught between the tracks and the wheels and was cut in half in the process. Wait, it gets better. Truman managed to call 911 from his cell while being sawed in half, enabling the authorities to come save him in time. Four months and 23 surgeries later, the Duncans got some semblance of normalcy back in their lives… minus Truman’s wiener, of course.

Nails For Brains

Failing at suicide is one thing. Failing then having to go explain yourself to an emergency room full of doctors trying to extract 12 large nails from inside your head is another. Such is the sad tale of one lonely Oregonian who tried to off himself by shooting a nail gun directly at his skull. Instead of accomplishing his goal, the man ended up spontaneously performing a shop class project in his head. At least the man saved the receipt so he could return the faulty nails that failed to kill him.

Head In The Clouds

Some people have lost their mind and managed to survive. Shannon Malloy literally lost her head and lived to tell about it. Involved in a horrible car accident, every single ligament and tendon attaching Malloy’s skull to her spinal cord was detached. The only thing keeping her head from rolling away was her skin. After four unsuccessful tries, doctors finally managed to reassemble her parts on the fifth shot so that Shannon didn’t have to live life as a human bobblehead.