As if figuring out your relationship status in real life isn’t hard enough, these days you have to make it publicly known if you’re involved on Facebook. It’s not uncommon for people to browse your profile to answer the “are they together or not” question. Not only do you have to ponder over whether to change your status to “In a Relationship” and if your significant other will accept, but Facebook Minifeed makes it inevitable that all of your friends will know the instant you make the change.

Face it, that big red heart (or broken heart if you list yourself as “Single”) next to your name will attract your Facebook stalker’s eye quicker than a wall comment. The individual status options give you the ability to describe, or pretend to describe, the way you are with your sweetie. So what are you really when you’re listed as:

Single

What it’s Supposed to Mean: This is what you choose when you’re in between lovers and you’re on the prowl. Stalkers, feel free to post a wall comment because I’m free for grabs!

What it Could Mean: You’re kind of in this relationship thing that you’re not so sure what to call, so you just leave it as “Single.” This way, if the relationship changes, you still have those wall comments that hottie has been posting for the past week to look forward to.

In a Relationship

What it’s Supposed to Mean: You know that person you’ve been spending every waking moment with? Now, they’re listed next to your name as “In a Relationship.” Everyone knows, now, that your significant other is off the market, and if you catch someone posting on his/her wall anything that seems at all suspicious, they can expect a nasty message.

What it Could Mean: When you were listed as single, instead of getting wall comments from hotties, you were getting them from all the ugly slums. And, after checking out Trakzor, you see that there’s this one person who roams your profile daily (could be hourly, but Trakzor isn’t that specific), which is beginning to get creepy.

In an Open Relationship

What it’s Supposed to Mean: You’re in a relationship with this person, but you’re looking for something better. If another opportunity comes along that would benefit you more, you’re not going to hesitate to grab it.

What it Could Mean: Basically, you’re afraid your stalker will somehow manage to find out where you live and start stalking you in reality. So, you’ve listed yourself as in a relationship so they’ll be threatened away by your “better half.” In reality, you’re not seeing anyone, so you still want to be “Single” for those people who are interested and worth checking out.

Engaged

What it’s Supposed to Mean: The question has been popped. You’re ecstatic that you guys are finally making the big move, and you want EVERYONE to know.

What it Could Mean: The beginning of the end of a perfectly good college life.

Married

What it’s Supposed to Mean: You’ve tied the knot and whoever wasn’t at the ceremony should know. So, you’ve taken advantage of Facebook and let your whole friend list know. Or, at least, those people who get on regularly enough to catch the minifeed phrase, “So and so went from being ‘Engaged’ to being ‘Married’” or visit your page enough to notice the difference.

What it Could Mean: The end of a perfectly good college life.

It’s Complicated

What it’s Supposed to Mean: You and your sweetie got into an argument an hour ago and you’re rethinking the whole thing even though you know in another hour your profile will say “In a Relationship” again. Save yourself the time and annoying questions on your wall, and just keep yourself listed as “In a Relationship” until you guys actually break up and stay that way for longer than a week.

What it Could Mean: The perfectly good college life that you could have if you weren’t “In a Relationship,” “Engaged” or “Married” is right around the corner. All you have to do is un-complicate your profile and be “Single” for all of the online community to view.