Theodore “Teddy” Faulkner, 52, a professor of economics at Auburn University, was taken into custody on January 12, following several charges of plagiarism, theft and breaking and entering.

Faulkner, who had been employed at the university for 22 years, was accused of removing multiple copies of a syllabus from the office of fellow professor Carla Shields and then using them in three of his own classes. Officials believe he wielded a crowbar to enter the locked office.

“In the weeks leading up to the incident,” recalled economics department director Ken Russo, “Teddy would often complain to me that he hardly had enough time anymore and that his class load was starting to become a bit overwhelming.”

This semester, Auburn University found itself short three economics professors, two of whom had retired and the last of whom had been relieved of his duty for capitalizing upon his female students. Russo had supplied an additional four classes to Faulkner in an attempt to meet the students’ growing demands. “I tried to explain that it would be temporary just until we found some replacements,” added Russo. “But he stormed out of my office.”

Shields said that the stolen microeconomics syllabus had taken her a month to complete. “I’ve always taught economics,” she stated, “but this was my first semester teaching micro. I had to create a whole new syllabus from scratch.” She first suspected Faulkner after she heard reports that he introduced himself as Carla Shields on the first day of school.

“I didn’t get his joke,” said sophomore Javier Morales. “I had him last year for macro, so I knew he was a little crazy, but when he told us he was Professor Shields, people just looked around at each other in confusion.”

Several police officers showed up at Faulkner’s office and escorted him out of the building in handcuffs after the crowbar seen on the security camera outside Shields’s office was found beneath Faulkner’s desk. “It wasn’t even the most economical way to break in,” said officer Kyle Flanders. “A credit card probably could have opened the door. There was no need to throw a crowbar through the glass.”

In 2004, Shields informed the dean that one of her tests had gone missing. Though there were no leads at the time, Faulkner’s recent conviction has sparked a new investigation to determine whether he was culpable. He refused to comment.

Disclaimer: We made all this crap up. It’s even in the “Fake News” category. So nobody at Auburn go and get your panties in a bunch.