A man went to his local video rental store and asked the kid at the counter if he could get Batman Forever. “No,” said the employee. “You can only rent it for up to one week!”

A man was interviewing for a job. The interviewer said to him, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible for this job.” “Well, I’m your man,” said the interviewee. “At my last job, every time something went wrong, everyone held me responsible!”

Q: What do you call a blonde with one brain cell?
A: Above-average intelligence.

Q: What do you call a smart insect?
A: A spelling bee.

Q: Why was Tigger looking inside the toilet?
A: He was looking for Pooh.

“You seem to be in some distress,” said the kindly judge to the witness. “Is anything the matter?” “Well, your Honor,” said the witness, “I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, my lawyer objects.”

Q: What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: Why did the blonde give her computer cough medicine?
A: It had a virus.

Q: Why did the blonde spray her computer with Raid?
A: It had a bug.

Q: How many blonde jokes are there?
A: One. The rest are all true stories.

Q: Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up?
A: Because the first thing a child looks up is dog. The second is snake. And under snake, the encyclopedia says: “See Lawyer.”