American Pie

• 2 cups ice
• 1/2 cup whiskey
• 1/2 cup apple liqueur
• 1 cup cranberry juice
• Sliced apples for garnish (optional)

Add ice, Canadian whiskey, apple liqueur and cranberry juice to shaker. Pour into two tall glasses, garnish with a slice of apple and serve.

Stars and Stripes

• 1/4 ounce Lucid liqueur
• 1 ounce Blueberry Vodka
• 1/4 ounce simple syrup
• Splash of lemon juice
• Drizzle of Raspberry Liqueur
• Ginger beer
• Fresh Blueberries

Muddle fresh blueberries and add syrup, Lucid, juice and vodka. Add ice, shake and pour into a highball glass. Drizzle raspberry liqueur and top with Ginger Beer. Garnish with one sugar cube.

The American Collins

• 1 1/2 ounces Bombay
Sapphire gin
• 3/4 ounce simple syrup
• 1/2 ounce fresh lemon juice
• 4 Bing cherries, pitted
• 8 blueberries

In a Collins glass, muddle the blueberries and cherries in the lemon juice and simple syrup. Add Sapphire and ice and stir briefly. Top with club soda. Garnish with one Bing cherry and one lemon wheel.

Patriot’s Cosmo

• 1/2 ounce Cointreau
• 1 ounce vodka
• Splash of cranberry juice
• Juice of 1/2 a lime

Pour all ingredients in mixing glass half-filled with ice. Shake and strain. For a fun twist, use white cranberry juice for a separate batch and add a few drops of blue food coloring to another batch. When serving, your guests can choose from the red, white or blue cocktails.

The Dawn’s Early Light

• 1 ounce Southern Comfort
• 1 ounce vodka
• 1 dash of club soda
• 1 ounce fruit syrup
• 3 ounces sweet ‘n’ sour mix

Shake all the ingredients together except the club soda. Top the drink with soda. Garnish with a slice of orange.

This country was founded on the basis that every man, woman and child be afforded their inalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Of course, at the time when those rights were conceived, “every man, woman and child” included every white man. Many years (and tons of progression) later, America has become much more inclusive for its citizens, but there are still those sects within society that struggle to gain the same footing as everyone else. Namely fat people.

But there’s finally a weight watching, flavorful drink that doesn’t taste like chalk and actually works! Just ask superhot supermodel Brooke Burke, who swears by underWAY – a new, tasty and affordable beverage that spares you needless crap of most health drinks.

underWAY comes in several delicious flavors – like orange and grape – and only has 20 calories! Better yet, underWAY is COMPLETELY free of any sugar, sodium, carbs or caffeine!

Made from heart-healthy vitamins and fibers, underWAY is designed to suppress your appetite while quenching your thirst. After all, there’s no point in getting a good workout just to pack on the unnecessary calories with sugar-filled drinks like Gatorade, Vitamin Water and soda.

What exactly does someone of your predilections spend his or her – yes, women can be successful too – millions on? I mean, you can’t take it to the grave with you, right? How about booze?! Nothing screams status like spending the yearly operating budget of a moderately sized Midwestern town on alcohol.

Here are a few of the world’s most expensive libations you might want to consider when making your purchases:

Ultra Premium Tequila Ley .925 “Pasion Azteca” $225k

What makes this tequila worth $225,000? It ain’t the tequila, no sir. It’s the hand-crafted, one liter, two-piece bottle. One half of the bottle is pure platinum while the other is pure white gold. The two halves are held together by a solid platinum emblem.Still have money left? For a mere $100K finder’s fee, the company will locate one of the few diamond-encrusted bottles that may or may not be for sale. These definitions of opulence sell for around $1.5 million each.

Diva Vodka $1.4M

The fact that the average person can buy a plain-Jane version of Diva for about $60 tells me there’s really nothing special about what’s actually in the bottle. As with the tequila, it’s the bottle that demands the premium. To go even further, it’s not actually the bottle that’s expensive, but rather the rubies and diamonds that fill the center shaft of the bottle. The makers of Diva also claim the vodka is not only filtered through charcoal like most premium vodkas, it’s actually filtered through crushed diamonds. Yes… crushed diamonds. I have no idea why.

Wray and Nephew Rum $54K

Again, it’s not what’s in the bottle that makes this rum special. This rum is so valuable because it comes from a lost tradition. The Jamaican distillers who bottled this rum were forced to abandon their tried-and-true distillation methods in order to keep up with demand created by the Mai Tai craze of the 1930s. Yes, early American tourists essentially killed traditional rum making.

The Macallan Fine and Rare Collection, 1926, 60-years-old $3,300 per dram

This is one of the few alcohols in this world that is valuable because of its taste and rarity. There are no more unopened bottles of this Scotch anywhere in the world and the only place you can even find one is at the Homestead Steakhouse in the Borgata Hotel Casino and Spa in Atlantic City, NJ.

What’s a dram you ask? A dram is 1/8 of an ounce. That’s right. Don’t blow all your millions at the craps table because a measly 1/8 of an ounce will cost you $3,300.

Chateau Lafite 1787 $160k

By now, this 212-year-old bottle of Bordeaux has turned to vinegar. What makes it valuable is that it was once owned by Thomas Jefferson. Jefferson was an avid wine collector and his initials were etched into the bottle when he brought it back from France. In 1985 the bottle was sold at auction to Christopher Forbes for $160,000.

College will be the last time in your life when you’re not too snobby for bunk beds, beer can artwork and communal showers. But just because your tastes in wall art and foot fungus will change, it doesn’t mean your palate for cheap college food has to go with it. The trick is being vigilant about not eating certain things, lest they ruin perfectly good edible crap for the rest of your life and turn you into an insufferable snob.

1. FRESHLY GROUND COFFEE

A few years from now when you decide to get married, you’ll be tempted to register for a coffee grinder. You’ll also be tempted to register for a juicer and pasta maker that you’ll never take out of the box. But at least those are victimless gifts. Just be warned, as soon as you drop coffee beans into that grinder, your days of drinking regular old Joe are over.

Once that sweet and earthy aroma wafts into your nostrils and you realize that coffee doesn’t actually have to taste like dog excrement, you’ll never stomach another cup of gas station sludge again. This may not sound so bad, but believe me, your friends are going to stop inviting you over after the fifth or sixth bitchy dissertation you make over their economy-sized tub of Folgers.

2. STEAK FROM ANY HALFWAY-DECENT TEXAS STEAKHOUSE

You never knew how sucky every steak you ever ate was until you set foot in a Saltgrass, Hofbrau or Big Texan. That’s why my advice to you is this: DON’T GO! Unless you plan to settle down in the Lonestar State, avoid it completely.

Either that or eat salad the entire time you’re there because you’ll never be able to enjoy the floppy leather they serve at Outback again after cutting into a steak that was raised, butchered and cooked by the only people on earth who know how to do it right. And then the rest of us will be forced to muzzle you every time we fire up the grill.

3. QUICHE

There’s not a straight man in this world who actually likes this froufy-frou-frou food, so why take the chance that you might? You’ll only sound like a tool every time you ask what the special is at brunch.

4. DARK BEER

At some point, every one of us must graduate from the flat pisswater of our youth. But stick to Amstel Light when your palate matures. Why? Because an Amstel drinker is content to sit back and enjoy his beer. But woe is the guy whose friend recently sampled his very first Guinness. Lordy, get ready for an hour-long history of beer, complete with a tutorial on the differences between stouts, porters and the rest of the suds subgenres.

The douche factor doubles for anyone who has traveled throughout Europe. Seriously dude, none of us want to hear about how they do things in Ireland or why our choice of beer had a substandard fermentation process. We just want to get drunk in peace. So, unless you’re mature enough to leave us alone, do the world a favor and stick to Budweiser.

5. ANY WINE THAT DOESN’T COME FROM A BOX

All over Europe, the people can simply drink their wine and enjoy the fact that it’s socially acceptable to get drunk during their lunch break. But Americans are mostly incapable of drinking wine without feeling the need to talk about wine. And quite frankly, the rest of us don’t want to listen to you prattle on about bouquets, finishes and the subtle body differences between a particular ‘97 pinot noir and its ‘98 unfiltered counterpart. If you want to drink, stick to the Wine Cube. If you want to talk about drinking, go to A.A.

6. PRETTY MUCH ANY FOOD WITH THE NAME OF A CITY IN THE TITLE

Philly Cheese Steaks, New England Clam Chowder, Chicago Style Hotdogs. One of the great joys of the summer road trip is sampling all the foods that made a region famous. But be careful because as soon as you return home, you’re going to be awfully sad to find out those “Jersey Shore Fries” at the mall are never quite as crispy and tangy as the ones you got at the actual Shore.

Meanwhile, the rest of us who are just fine with soggy fries have to endure another round of your stupid digital pictures while listening to you bitch and moan. Either eat the food and shut up about it or stick to McDonald’s for the duration of your trip.

With the Freshman 15 and all-you-can-eat buffets as much a part of college as midterms and finals, coeds across the country are clearly prone to satisfying their sweet tooth from time to time. But while you’re indulging in a Twix bar or some Skittles, your roomie or lab partner may be inhaling something sweet and sickening.

Check out these 10 stomach-turning, barf-inducing candies and you’ll see exactly what we’re talking about…

White Chocolate Maggots

Don’t be fooled… they’re not several white chocolate- covered raisins smushed together. On the contrary, they’re those pesky buggers that love to feed on rotten produce and animal carcasses. That should clear up your killer case of the munchies in a jiffy.

Hose Nose – Candy Snot

For those of you who never broke out of the “picking your boogers and eating them” phase comes this nostalgically nasty candy dispenser that straps onto your face and drips sugary slime that you can catch on your tongue. Pez better watch their ass!

Earwax Candy

Well, this candy’s certainly the pick of the litter. Equipped with a plastic “swab” to scoop with, this hauntingly horrible creation consists of fruit-flavored jelly “earwax” served in a pink “ear.”

Candy Cockroach Clusters

Gummy worms are one thing, candy cockroaches are another. While this candy isn’t actually made from real roaches, the concept is nonetheless grossly gag-a-rific. The underbelly and wings are gummy candy while the cockroach’s shell is a hardened candy coating.

Fear Factor Candy

God bless marketing! What better way to promote a puke-inducing show than by selling puke-inducing candy based on
its likeness?! Enjoy Slimy Gummy Octopi, Gummy Frog Legs and Sheep’s Eye Lollipops, among many other, um, creative candy concepts. Barf bag and Joe Rogan not included.

Poop Candy

We shit you not! Each candy-coated piece of crap comes individually wrapped in a baby blue or pink diaper for added effect. It’s a wonder Poop Candy hasn’t teamed up yet with Sour Flush Candy for a monopoly on the bowel-themed treats market.

Every Flavor Jelly Beans

Thanks to the Harry Potter series, the world can finally enjoy jelly bean flavors ranging from ear wax, rotten egg and grass to soap, dirt and earthworm. On the bright side, they were kind enough to create a bacon-flavored jelly bean amidst other, more vomit-worthy concoctions.

Sour Flush Candy

Think Fun Dip… only you’re dipping your lollipop into a plastic crapper filled with powdered, sour sugar. Hey, if anything, it’ll remind you to clean out your toilet bowl on a regular basis… especially after you vomit all over it from eating this craptastic candy.

Candy Encrusted Real Bugs

They look like something you’d stick under a telescope in science class and they probably taste like something you dissected when you were 12. Nevertheless, there’s an apparent market for these hard candy-coated critters, like the Cricket Lick-It Lollipops.

Candy Scabs

Not only can you pick your scabs… you can eat ‘em too! Stick the adhesive bandage on your skin then lick and nibble the candy scab off like you would any ol’ cut. Hey, at least girls can’t get mad at you now when you tell them to suck your sweet spot…

You’re walking through a dark corridor, and you come upon a room with a light shining through. You walk in, and right in front of you are a bunch of hot bikini-clad women, eating cones with ice cream dribbling down their mouths onto their pulsating cleavages. All of the sudden, one of them turns and sees you, and a chain reaction forms. All the women turn and look at you, and then they look down. They all, as if in chorus with one another, laugh simultaneously.

You look down at their line of sight and are horrified with your findings. You’re wearing bright pink spandex biking shorts! Then you wake up. So thankfully this was a dream, but we all know that men go through that terrible feeling especially when that hot girl in front of you is waiting for you to give her some action, like a Hollywood scene board. Well, you’re not alone, and maybe you’ll take comfort in knowing that we ladies enjoy a variety of sausages and wieners on our plate.

How do you measure up?

Type: Oscar Meyer

Length: 5 –5 ½ inches

Width: 1 inch

Description: So, maybe you should still be on the playground with the rest of the kids, playing “you show me yours, and I’ll show you mine”, cause you’re on the small side. It’s okay though. Oscar Meyers, like you, need love too. There are plenty of women out there that are on a diet.

Type: Nathan

Length: 5 ¾ inches

Width: 1 inch

Description: You’re average, just like every other Joe on this planet. Not to mention quite All-American. Too bad you can’t tattoo the flag on it to make it more interesting for the ladies. But on occasion and in some states, your weiner, known as the Nathan weiner, can be a foot long (for two people to enjoy). What do you think?

Type: Ball Park

Length: 6 inches

Width: 3 inches

Description: Now if yours is pretty large, just wide all over, and looks like a Louisville slugger that could hit a homerun any day of the week, then you’re a Ballpark Frank. Usually these are beasts in the width department. You’re lucky. Oscar wishes he was you.

Type: Butterball

Length: 7 inches

Width: 3 1/2 inches

Description: Congratulations! You’re the proud owner of the biggest, fattest, and most obnoxious weiner ever. The Butterball. Most people only want to eat this kind of mutated beast on special occasions (i.e. Thanksgiving), but I’m sure there are a few everyday aficionados.

Did you know: According to Dr. Robert L. Dickinson, the largest recorded human penis was 13.5 long and 6.25 inches around. Alfred Kinsey has also recorded some measuring from 9.5–12 inches long.

Phact: Now, for some other really, really exciting facts you may not have known about your wieiner!

Brought to you by hot-dog.com…

• In 2005, consumers spent more than $3.9 billion on hot dogs and sausages in U.S. supermarkets, which equals more than 1.5 billion hot dogs and sausages bought at retail stores alone.
• New Yorkers consume more hot dogs than any other city. New Yorkers sure know how to beat out Chicago’s weiner sales!
• On Independence Day, Americans will enjoy 150 million hot dogs – enough to stretch from D.C. to L.A. five times over.
• During Hot Dog Season, Memorial Day to Labor Day, Americans typically consume 7 billion hot dogs (818 hot dogs consumed every second).

So What’s In Your Weiner?

Before chowing down on your next dog, you might want to consider what those wieners are made of! Although most are now all beef (Oscar Meyer’s weiner), less expensive brands have been known to contain chicken or pork. But that’s not all! Others have contained pig snouts, pig organs or more! Maybe that’s how it got its nickname (wiener)!

If bubblegum pop-chef Rachael Ray can eat on $40 a day in any city, I propose that we college students step it up and attempt to live, eat and date on $20 dollars a week in any college town. We are notorious for being broke, stupid and always up for a challenge, so why the hell not?

All that’s required is a little fine-tuning of our desperation and increase of our innate ability to have virtually no shame… pretty much known as everyday life.

Here are 15 tips that will help you make it on $20 a week.

1. Money should only be spent in dire emergencies (such as finding yourself inappropriately shacked up with the “creepy kid” or a farmhouse animal).

2. Take the bus, hitch a ride or sleep with a taxi driver as means for transportation.

3. Give brotherhood and weird religion a chance. Join the Hare Krishnas and bypass the $3 mandatory “donation.” For a snack, attend any club meetings that advertise free food, fill your plate and then feign illness. You might be known as that guy (and not in a good way), but don’t lie to yourself – you were headed down that path anyway.

4. The mall is another amazing venue to score free samples and add some variety to your diet. Mmm. Chinese buffet.

5. Carrying a Tupperware container or plastic bag with you at all times is essential. Saving extra free food – as leftovers for the following day – will ensure you won’t go hungry. At least not tomorrow.

6. If you decide to go out, only hit bars advertising drink specials and no cover. If you’re not special, make friends or dress up as whichever sex has the monetary advantage.

7. Slapping on the charm or pretending to be mentally challenged will get you something somewhere in this town.

8. Flash the Pizza Hut deliveryman. Repeat at Dominos. (Note: This only works for girls)

9. When at a restaurant, bet someone money to dare you to eat something gross, such as raw, milky oysters or food that has definitely passed the 5-second rule by about 3 hours. Not only will you be that much richer, but the food is free, too.

10. It’s not stealing if no one will find out and you hide it well.

11. Free movies, bowling and video games at the student union are a perfectly acceptable date. How many times can people say they played Pac Man next to freshmen dorks on the Dance Dance Revolution machine?

12. Seduce a restaurant manager… or high school lunch lady.

13. It is not considered “slutty” to flirt or lead someone on for rides home or free breakfast.

14. If all else fails, make a sign reading: Will ______ for ______. Fill in the blanks accordingly. Everyone loves a cute charity case.

15. Remember and live by the rule of 3: You can live 3 days without water and 3 weeks without food. So don’t be a baby. Suck it up.

So what exactly are we giving away? How about 1 Grand Prize package and TEN Second Prize packages!

One Grand Prize winner will win:

Hotel accommodations for 4 people on Oct. 31 in Orlando

Four 1-day/2-park universal Orlando tickets valid for admission to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure theme parks

One Halloween Horror Nights 2009 V.I.P. Tour for 4 people on Oct. 31

One Universal Orlando general parking pass

Ten Second Prize winners will win:

Two Halloween Horror Nights 2009 event tickets valid through Oct. 31, 2009.

Two 1-day/2-park Universal Orlando tickets valid for admission to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure theme parks through July 31, 2010.

One Universal Orlando general parking pass valid through July 31, 2010.

How To Enter:

Entering and winning this contest is probably the easiest thing you’ll ever do in college besides passing out in the parking lot of your apartment complex after tailgating all day. To enter, all  you have to do is one of the following:

Follow Campus Talk on Twitter,

Join the Campus Talk Facebook group

Sign up for the Campus Talk newsletter via the sign up form on the sidebar of the mycampustalk.com homepage.

And get this! If you do ALL THREE you’ll get THREE ENTRIES into the contest.

How To Win:

We have to have your entry by Oct. 10, 2009. Once we have all the names of the people who have completed at least one of the entry requirements listed above, we’ll randomly pick one person from the pool to win the Grand Prize. We’ll then randomly choose 10 people from the pool to win the 10 second prizes. Winners will be notified via whatever service they entered through.

Official Rules:

The official rules for this contest can be found HERE on our Official Contest Rules page.

Colombian coffee is carefully cultured in a nursery with each bean selected for planting. The beans are planted close together and then topped with a nutrient rich soil to promote growth.  The seeds begin to germinate after only eight weeks, and the healthier looking plants make the cut and are cultivated for the next six months.  It will take three to four years for the plant to reach an adult state, and another six months after that to begin producing berries (beans).  This long process, careful picking and planning, months of preparation and hard work all so that the little bean, and the hard working growers that nurtured it, can watch it become a non-fat latte, no whip, double shot, espresso, chino, Ralph Macchio to go.

Juan Valdez must be tearing the hair out of his burro right now. What the hell happened to coffee?

The History:

Wait Person: What can I get you to drink?
Customer: I would like a coffee please.
Wait Person: Would you like cream and sugar?
Customer: No thanks, I take mine full bodied and highly caffeinated, like my women.

See, how easy that was? Somewhere along the line, however, the coffee order has morphed into this paragraph sized chemistry seminar, where people order more of what they don’t want than what they do.  Who added all these damn ingredients to coffee?  Whoever did is bulging the veins of the old school coffee drinker who has to wait in line while someone filibusters their order to a confused clerk.

The Coffee Order:

I think they should change the format of these coffee houses.  For those people who just want coffee, please form a line here.  For those who want some sort of specialty drink complete with nine different types of toppings that need to be whipped, pureed, steamed, mixed, beaten, shaken or stirred, please form an excruciatingly long line here.  This way, I can go in, and like caveman, utter “coffee” in my morning voice, and get what I need. Shit, I will even take what’s at the bottom of the pot, grinds and all.  Just direct me to the mixing table where I can get my creamer from a silver pouring thing, or my half and half from a little white plastic creamer bucket. Then I will hop into my car a happy camper.

As it stands now, I always end up behind someone who is trying to reinvent coffee. Someone who wants to break all the normal coffee standards and create a whole new set of standards, complete with ingredients the place doesn’t have and sizes that don’t exist.  These are the same people at restaurants who order steak and ask for it medium raw.  As the order spews forth, the coffee attendant (I don’t know what to call them anymore) is busy scratching down ingredients and pushing condiment buttons on the register hoping upon hope that they don’t screw it up.  After all the ordering is done, and sweat is pouring down the poor clerks face, there is a 10% chance that it’s going to be right.

“I am sorry, I asked for half whip, half syrup with an espresso shot hovering over the cup.  Can you please make this again?”

Meanwhile, I am in line, fiddling with my keys and contemplating murder.  I can see my goal sitting in a black pot, just waiting to fly down my throat and give me that much needed morning boost.   I can smell the rich aroma of the bean as it floats in a white mist under my nose; I am so close I can taste it.  Yet salvation is still blocked by the woman who thought for sure that her order included a cinnamon stick shaped like a snowman doing the Macarena.

I want to ask the lady if she has ever been struck by a blunt object.

Choices:

If by the off chance I happen to walk into a coffee house and find myself first in line, my giddiness is soon replaced with the burden of more choices.  To be honest, I don’t care where my coffee comes from.  I don’t want to know the history of my coffee, or it’s country of origin.  I am not in the least bit interested in what coffee beans are indigenous to which geographic area.   I am not a student of coffee; I just consume it.  Yet, I can’t just say coffee anymore when ordering.

Coffee now has names like “Morning Sunshine,” “Akabalaga” or “Mud in o cup.”  They come brewed in 19 different ways including bold, mildly bold, shy, somewhat bold if you add liquor, medium bold, pussy, half bold-half mild and regular.   By the time I leave there, I have to begin to wonder whether I just bought coffee at all.  I’ll take a sip and there will be a hint of something that should not be in coffee like caramel or licorice.  This is no way to start a day.

The Future:

As Juan Valdez wanders the endless corridors of coffee plants, he looks at the gentle beans and wonders what will ever become of them. He contemplates what has happened to the simple beverage, known back in the day as “coffee.”  As he proceeds to saunter through the field with his bald donkey by his side, he says to himself . . .

“I could really go for Coke right now.”