Sure, you could head over to campus in your pimped-out, totally-not-compensating-for-anything metallic yellow convertible. And yes, you could always stroll into the office parking lot in your oversized, gas-guzzling H3. But if you really want to make a statement (specifically about how small your pecker is), you need to ride one of these ridiculous whips [...]
This country was founded on the basis that every man, woman and child be afforded their inalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Of course, at the time when those rights were conceived, “every man, woman and child” included every white man. Many years (and tons of progression) later, America has become [...]
I can’t really think of anything responsible that ever came out of drinking. Where I’m from, drinking responsibly means not littering a scenic country road with empty beer bottles. Instead we fling them out of a moving truck so they shatter against an unsuspecting road sign and return to it’s original sand form. But on a [...]
Is there anything worse than seeing off all your friends as they embark on their fun-filled summer vacation, knowing that as soon as the dust settles from their departing cars, you’ll be left alone? Yes, there is… what’s worse is when all your friends are leaving town for an awesome summer and you’re stuck in [...]
Tons of catchy “get slim quick” drinks hit the market, and most of them are crammed to the cap full of chemicals and other unpronounceable ingredients that turn your insides into a chemistry lab. Worst of all, they don’t seem to make a dent in your waistline… only your pockets. But there’s finally a weight watching, [...]
By nature, fathers hate their daughters’ boyfriends. This is non-negotiable. Luckily for you, time heals all wounds like Valtrex heals that dubious sore on your lips and junk. Follow these simple steps and you’ll be in daddy’s good graces in no time. (Either that, or you’ll end up as the mystery [...]
College kids and poker go together like college kids and premarital sex. Everyone’s doing it! But like sex, just because you play doesn’t mean you’re any good at it. Here are a few pointers to help raise your chip total so you’ll have enough spending money to buy online porn when no one on campus [...]
It took you nearly six years, but graduating college was relatively easy compared to what lies ahead. You’ve got to put aside the late-night partying and excessive drinking for a 9-to-5 job sitting at some dusty desk in some crummy cubical at some boring business. Wait… it gets worse. Rather than pocketing your mom and dad’s [...]
It’s been nearly two months since the glorious festivus honoring St. Patrick and his jolly green beer. That can only mean one thing… it’s time for another foreign-themed drinking holiday! Please help us welcome Cinco de Mayo in style with these must-have mixed drinks that’ll make you scream “aye carrumba!” Blue Lagoon Margarita ¾ oz. Blue Curacao 1 [...]
Remember back in the day in 2008 when reducing your carbon footprint and being “green” was all the rage? You know, back when people were buying and selling houses like crazy and had money falling out of their pockets? Sure, it was easy to go off the grid back when $500K houses with state-of-the-art solar [...]
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