Some kids climb fences pretending to be Spiderman. Others jump out of trees in an imitation of Superman. Then there’s one 14-year-old boy from China who’s taken superhero simulation to a whole new level by imbibing lead-based gasoline for over five years in an attempt to become like his favorite comic book hero – Optimus Prime.

After watching the animated Transformers TV series, the unnamed boy from Yibin City began drinking gas so he could be “a valiant fighter like Optimus Prime,” said his father. “He began to drink gasoline five years ago when we found he liked the smell of lighter fluid.”
The boy’s mom owned a small grocery stand that sold lighters. Soon after he took up his habit, she noticed lighters were missing. When she confronted her son about the thefts, the boy started stealing gas from neighbors’ motorcycles, eventually drinking upwards of
four or five bottles… at a time.

“Since my son started to drink gas, his IQ has dropped sharply and now he can’t figure out simple addition and subtraction,” the father said. “Before that, he was a very smart boy, and he could even repair the television. But now he does not know the answer of 7 plus 17.”

Ironically, after watching the Transformers sequel, it’s safe to say that director Michael Bay was drinking leaded gasoline too…

So what exactly are we giving away? How about 1 Grand Prize package and TEN Second Prize packages!

One Grand Prize winner will win:

Hotel accommodations for 4 people on Oct. 31 in Orlando

Four 1-day/2-park universal Orlando tickets valid for admission to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure theme parks

One Halloween Horror Nights 2009 V.I.P. Tour for 4 people on Oct. 31

One Universal Orlando general parking pass

Ten Second Prize winners will win:

Two Halloween Horror Nights 2009 event tickets valid through Oct. 31, 2009.

Two 1-day/2-park Universal Orlando tickets valid for admission to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure theme parks through July 31, 2010.

One Universal Orlando general parking pass valid through July 31, 2010.

How To Enter:

Entering and winning this contest is probably the easiest thing you’ll ever do in college besides passing out in the parking lot of your apartment complex after tailgating all day. To enter, all  you have to do is one of the following:

Follow Campus Talk on Twitter,

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Sign up for the Campus Talk newsletter via the sign up form on the sidebar of the mycampustalk.com homepage.

And get this! If you do ALL THREE you’ll get THREE ENTRIES into the contest.

How To Win:

We have to have your entry by Oct. 10, 2009. Once we have all the names of the people who have completed at least one of the entry requirements listed above, we’ll randomly pick one person from the pool to win the Grand Prize. We’ll then randomly choose 10 people from the pool to win the 10 second prizes. Winners will be notified via whatever service they entered through.

Official Rules:

The official rules for this contest can be found HERE on our Official Contest Rules page.

Faulkner, who had been employed at the university for 22 years, was accused of removing multiple copies of a syllabus from the office of fellow professor Carla Shields and then using them in three of his own classes. Officials believe he wielded a crowbar to enter the locked office.

“In the weeks leading up to the incident,” recalled economics department director Ken Russo, “Teddy would often complain to me that he hardly had enough time anymore and that his class load was starting to become a bit overwhelming.”

This semester, Auburn University found itself short three economics professors, two of whom had retired and the last of whom had been relieved of his duty for capitalizing upon his female students. Russo had supplied an additional four classes to Faulkner in an attempt to meet the students’ growing demands. “I tried to explain that it would be temporary just until we found some replacements,” added Russo. “But he stormed out of my office.”

Shields said that the stolen microeconomics syllabus had taken her a month to complete. “I’ve always taught economics,” she stated, “but this was my first semester teaching micro. I had to create a whole new syllabus from scratch.” She first suspected Faulkner after she heard reports that he introduced himself as Carla Shields on the first day of school.

“I didn’t get his joke,” said sophomore Javier Morales. “I had him last year for macro, so I knew he was a little crazy, but when he told us he was Professor Shields, people just looked around at each other in confusion.”

Several police officers showed up at Faulkner’s office and escorted him out of the building in handcuffs after the crowbar seen on the security camera outside Shields’s office was found beneath Faulkner’s desk. “It wasn’t even the most economical way to break in,” said officer Kyle Flanders. “A credit card probably could have opened the door. There was no need to throw a crowbar through the glass.”

In 2004, Shields informed the dean that one of her tests had gone missing. Though there were no leads at the time, Faulkner’s recent conviction has sparked a new investigation to determine whether he was culpable. He refused to comment.

Disclaimer: We made all this crap up. It’s even in the “Fake News” category. So nobody at Auburn go and get your panties in a bunch.

A new program called The Diversified Equality Transformation Endeavor went into effect last month, altering the way students and faculty view their school and the surrounding community. “This new plan will allow for educationally oriented persons of all races, genders, religions and eye colors to learn in a prejudice-free environment,” said George Larson, the program’s creator.

Larson, who is the secretary to the Assistant Vice-Provost, first devised this program last July and has received much support from his colleagues. “Some institutes of higher learning may acknowledge that it is a good practice to be ‘PC,’ but Rutgers has gone all-out,” Larson added.

At the start of the fall semester, the body of educationally oriented persons returned from their summer vacations (now “vernal absence period”) to find a whole new school. Perhaps the most noticeable difference is that the male and female bathrooms, which Larson states were “discriminatory,” have all been converted to unisex. “Sometimes I’ll walk into a bathroom and a girl will scream,” said junior Mike Sammons. “I never know which one to use.”

Countless educationally oriented persons have become outraged, especially John Petersen, whose full academic scholarship was revoked when he uttered “blackboard” in class. “It’s a board of African-American descent,” Larson told him. “There is no need for such bigotry.”

Petersen, whose heart was set upon a major in Global Studies Of The Unbiased Historical Persuasion, is fed up with the “ridiculous” modifications that Rutgers has undergone. “I don’t care if they are going to re-name trash cans ‘commingled waste receptacles,’ but this is absurd.”

Practically nothing has been left unchanged – between the cafeteria (Hall Of Low-Carb, Sugar-Free, Globally Imported Comestibles), the library (Center For Academically Diverse Book-Related Studies) and the classrooms (learning chambers), students cannot escape this unprecedented level of political correctness.

“The Diversified Equality Transformation Endeavor is working wonderfully,” stated a melancholically challenged Larson. “Prejudice knows not to invade these walls,” he added (in an attempt to sound smarter than he actually is). John Petersen is enrolled at Drexel for the spring semester.

(We actually made all this up, so don’t anyone from Rutgers get your panties in a wad)