Hororscopes | Campus Talk

CT’s Horoscopes For December 2009

→ December 8, 2009 0

When he's not busy being a gypsy cab driver, Frank likes to pretend he's an actual gypsy. These are the December horoscopes he came up with after half a bottle of MD 20/20.

CT’s September Horoscopes

→ September 8, 2009 0

The stars want to let you know that September is a month for laughter, sunshine and debt-ensuing gambling binges that leave you and all your loved ones penniless and on the streets. Before you get all pissy and whiny, the stars also would like to remind you that you got several awesome meals comped at the [...]

The Campus Talk Halloween Horror Nights Contest

→ September 1, 2009 0

It’s time for the first big Campus Talk contest of the semester. This time we’ve teamed up with Universal Studios to send a few good coeds to Halloween Horror Nights in Orlando to get the crap scared out of them. The prizes are great and entering the contest is so easy a Freshman could do [...]

CT’s July Horoscopes

→ July 7, 2009 0

The stars are in full alignment this month, making their powers significantly stronger than usual. As such, you’d be best served to abide by any tips and fortunes they bestow upon you, lest you incur their wrath. We’d hate for you to wake up one morning with a third nipple or a noticeable hunchback. ARIES (21 Mar–20 [...]

CT’s June Horoscopes

→ June 1, 2009 0

So after writing last month's horoscopes, the guy behind the dumpster has agreed to write them every month in exchange for 4 Steel Reserve tall-boys. I told him I would agree to his terms only if he promised to drink the Steel Reserve BEFORE he wrote the horoscopes. I figured it would help channel his psychic abilities.

CT’s May Horoscopes

→ May 15, 2009 0

SO I was taking out the trash this morning and was accosted by the guy who lives behind our dumpster. He offered to tell me my fortune in exchange for a beer. Long story short, I bought him a 12 pack of Natty light, gave him a pen and paper and he wrote out May's entire astrological forecast. Try not to crap your pants.