→ April 1, 2013
A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.
So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him [...]
→ February 20, 2013
Q: What do you say to a sorority girl that won’t give in?
A: “Have another beer.”
Q: Why does a sorority girl wear underwear?
A: To keep her ankles warm.
Q: How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
A: At the circus the clowns don’t talk.
Q: What’s the difference between a sorority girl [...]
→ February 19, 2013
A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring and he replies, “I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.”
She says, “My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as [...]
→ February 18, 2013
You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
If 1,000 painters worked for a 1,000 years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you.
I must be a snowflake because I’ve fallen for you.
Are you an interior decorator? When I saw you the [...]
→ January 23, 2013
A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained, “I’m going to give you some suppositories. I’ll insert one now, and then I’ll give you another one for later this evening.”
Later that evening, the man asks has his wife to insert the suppository. [...]
→ January 22, 2013
Girls are like phones, we love to be held and talked to but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected!
After a heavy night at the pub, a drunken man decides to sleep off his drunkenness at a local hotel. He approaches the reception desk, takes care of the formalities and heads off to [...]
→ January 16, 2013
It’s better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck.
The patient shook his doctor’s hand in gratitude and said: “Since we [...]
→ January 14, 2013
Some 15-year-old girlfriends decided to meet for dinner. They discussed where to eat and finally agreed on McDonald’s next to the Sea Side Restaurant because they only had $6.50 between them and Bobby Bruce, the cute boy in science class, lived on that street.
Ten years later, the same girlfriends, now 25 years old, discussed where [...]
→ January 9, 2013
You’re so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line.
You shouldn’t wear makeup. It’s messing with perfection!
If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I’d have a galaxy in my hand.
There isn’t a word in the dictionary for how good you look.
Is there an airport nearby or is that [...]
→ November 15, 2012
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.”
A guy walks into a bar and asks [...]