One night after watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, a married couple went to lay in their bed. The husband, feeling a little frisky, began to sensually massage his wife. “Not tonight, honey,” she said. “I’m too tired.” “Is that your final answer?” asked the husband. “Yes,” said the wife. [...]
The emergence of online social media outlets like Facebook and MySpace are good for some things…such as meeting random skanks, promoting your totally untalented garage band and shamelessly boosting your self-esteem with hundreds of fake friends. Unfortunately, they’re also good for attracting douchebags from your past whom you tried like hell to avoid… like, say, [...]
July is a fantastic month for all star signs. All dreams will come true and all wishes will be granted. Unfortunately, happiness is like oil, the more there is of it the less its worth. You’ll wallow in pools of cash and lesbians until August. ARIES (21 Mar–20 Apr) There will be a dark and mysterious stranger following [...]
An English professor told her students that there would be no excuse for not showing up for their final exam, except for serious injury, illness or a death in the student’s immediate family. A smartass freshman in the back of the room asked, “What about extreme sexual exhaustion?” The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter. When [...]
Personalities abound with flaws make changes good that something you’re doing drives your friends and co-workers crazy. So long as you avoid the big ones (racism, bitchiness, claiming “Dancing With the Stars” as your favorite TV show…) people tend to forgive you. And maybe that’s the problem. We’re so focused on the major offenses [...]
What You’ll Need • A table • Beer or liquor of your choice • Cups • A math times table How It’s Played While we normally don’t encourage anything math-oriented – even when it comes to studying – this game is actually fun enough to forego our golden rule. Everyone sits down at the table with their drink in hand. Pick [...]
Do you see this bottle of water I’m drinking? It costs $3.99. I got it because it was the most expensive one in the store. I won’t put any of that other crap in my body. As you can see, the bottle isn’t even very big. It’s half a liter, whatever the hell that means; stupid [...]
Relationships can be tough. Guys have to deal with unreasonable expectations based on TV and film love affairs. Girls have to fake orgasms. Yeah, it’s hard keeping your love life afloat in this day and age. That’s why the last thing you need to be bothered with is your dating destination. Is it the right [...]
We’ve all heard the cute little poem: “Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before beer, you’re in the clear.” The big question, of course: is it true? The answer: yes and no… mostly no. Well, actually, it’s complicated. Follow along, lightweight. THE MYTH The idea that beer before liquor makes you sicker is a bit of [...]
No…we’re not talking about how much street cred you get for scoring with the head cheerleader. Good and Bad Your credit score rocks if it’s 726 and higher. However, plan on working at McDonald’s and living in a trailer the rest of your life if it’s 540 or lower. Chameleon Score Much like a girl during “that time of [...]
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