Nothing is more admirable than a guy who wants to keep his girl, but even the dudes with the best intentions can be outwitted by the ever-treacherous Girl Questions. You know… the things your sweetie asks that momentarily renders you speechless in confusion. What are you thinking? Why did you just do that? So, do you think my best friend is hot, or what?
Listen, I’m a girl, and I admit that at one time I asked these sorts of questions. I don’t understand, but I do know that if our guy answers them wrong, it’s a small step below getting caught diddling one of our sexy sorority sisters. So, how does a well-meaning male skirt these Girl Question landmines? With a cheat sheet, of course.
What Are You Thinking?
The actual words you use depend on the situation, but the real reason your girl is asking this is because you’ve probably been quiet for a while, staring off into space, and she wants to make sure you’re still with her in the moment. We know you were thinking about chicken wings, Angelina Jolie’s boobs, and totally mastering “Free Bird” on Guitar Hero… but don’t tell us that! Contrary to popular belief, hot sauce and fake, plastic guitars do not stimulate our sexual desires the way you think they should.
If you get this question during a moment of quietness, refocus your gaze, smile, and tell her that you were just enjoying the experience of being with her. If you get this question during an argument, make sure you remember what you two were arguing about in the first place, and tell her you’re just trying to process the situation. If you’re a really good liar, you can say all this without ever wavering from thoughts of Angelina in Gia and the various wing sauces served at the local sports bar.
Do I Look Fat?
If you know your girl is just spazzing out, assure her that her image problem is all in her head by sincerely complimenting her. You’re never going to look fat to me. I’m with you because I think you’re hot. If you saw yourself through my eyes, you’d never ask that question. And so on and so forth.
If your girl really does look fat in those jeans… do not admit so under any circumstances! Don’t. Your body will look like a victim’s from Saw when all’s said and done.
Is my best friend / that girl at the bar / our good-looking female professor hotter than me?
This question is more dangerous than spending a night in the same bed as Lorena Bobbitt. If your girl asks you this, she’s most likely trying to bait you. She wants to know if you’d ever leave her for one of those other tramps… I mean girls. Sure, your mom always taught you to tell the truth, but when it comes to who’s the hottest chick in the bar – your girl or that Playboy model – saying what you really think will just land you in sexual solitary confinement.
The best way to approach this question is to look your girl in the eyes and tell her that those other chicks don’t matter. Better yet, tell her you think they’re all skanks. See, with girls, sometimes it’s better to trash the competition than praise the protagonist.