By Ami Gavarian

Fall semester has come and gone, and with it went football season (sigh), eager freshmen ripe for the picking (or should we say plucking) and the more remedial-level courses where you can sleep through lectures and still get a B.

Now you’re stuck with basketball, experienced freshmen who’ve learned from their fall mistakes and harder courses where you’ll be lucky to pull a C.

Yeah, life has pretty much gotten suckier… that is, until you see how to turn the 2nd semester into your personal bitch.

Recurring Characters

Hooking up during a clear-cut one-night stand then trying to rekindle the magic a few nights later… not so smart. Taking a course with a professor then signing up for his or her class in the spring… definitely smart. Unless you were busy reading CT during every class in the fall, your professor should have little reason not to like you.

Use the familiarity to your advantage – both personally and professionally. Your professor knows who you are as opposed to the 25 new faces filling the desks in the classroom, and you know exactly what to expect from the tests and papers.

You’d have to be dumber than Michael Scott to not get an A this semester.

Thank You Sir, May I Have Another?

While you were busy being 75 drunk dudes’ bitch during your fall semester of pledging, now you’re the drunk dude with a stable of bitches ready to take a paddle to the ass or a punch to the face… hooray!

Instead of being DD every night and getting dragged out of bed at 4 in the morning to clean the frat house bathroom with your tongue, you get to needlessly scream at people who want to hang out with you and make them drive seven hours just to get you a bucket of fried chicken from Tennessee. Yeah, spring semester is totally yours for the taking.

Party Time! Excellent!

All those lame, generic fall parties full of skunked kegs and stale chips? Things of the past! You’ve learned from your weak attempts at social gatherings and stepped up to the pros of partying.

Themed with costumes, exotic mixed drinks, fun drinking games… now we’re talking! Instead of cramming 150 drunk coeds around one beer pong table, you’ve found a way to cram 150 drunk coeds around one beer pong table, three flip cup tables, a poker table and a few spare kegs for keg stands… in costume, no less!

Not to mention, in the spring, you get Valentine’s Day, the Super Bowl, St. Paddy’s Day and Cinco de Mayo as extreme excuses to party hearty. Halloween and Christmas ain’t got s*** on that!