Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. “I got a cookbook once,” said one, “but I could never do anything with it.” “Too much fancy work in it, eh?” asked the other. “You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - “Take a clean dish.”

A husband returns home to find his wife in bed with a naked man. “What are you doing”, he shouts. The wife replies to her lover: “I told you he was stupid!”

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”
“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed.
“What’s the bad news?”
“The guy was your doctor.”

A Woman in a store buys milk and bread.
Man at counter: “Bet you’re single.”
Woman: “Yes! You knew it because of what I bought.”
Man: “No, you’re just ugly”