We know you need party advice about as much as you need a few extra midterms, but nevertheless, CT is here to help steer you through the haunted twists and turns of your average Halloween bash. Follow these guidelines and you’ll be rewarded with more treats than tricks this All Hallow’s Eve.
Find Your Feminine Side, Fellas
If there’s anything a lady likes in her man (aside from good looks, money and
a nice car… none of which you have to offer her), it’s a solid sense of humor and a complete lack of inhibitions when it comes to having a good time. Sure, you could dress up as a Ninja Turtle or Batman for nostalgia’s sake, but as Shania sang,
“That don’t impress me much.”
Instead, opt for a clever take on Marilyn Monroe or maybe a Will Ferrel-esque Janet Reno getup. Costumes that make her laugh also make her want to dance naked on the kitchen table for you when you head back to your place for the VIP after-party.
Steer Her Clear Of The Orange Beer!
“Oh my god, that pitcher of orange beer is sooooo cute! I just want to guzzle it all down!” It always starts as an optimistic endeavor and usually ends with your girl keeled up in the fetal position or clutching the toilet for dear life. If you seriously expect to go home with that hottie on Halloween, limit her liquid diet to watered-down shots and straight beer. Anything with tons of sugar and food coloring is sure to leave her more nauseous than Britney Spears during one of her hangovers. You, on the other hand, are free to consume whatever you’d like. After all, you are a man, right?
Dress For Sex-cess
There’s no other time of year when it’s more acceptable for ladies to dress like complete skanks. Whether you head to the party wearing nothing more than fishnets and a lace bra or a skimpy French maid’s outfit, no one will judge you for your attire tonight. Not even your priest. Halloween is your open invitation to don the sexiest and sluttiest outfit you can imagine. Don’t worry… your baggy T-shirts and loose-fitting capris will still be in your closet come November 1st.
Are You A-laid In The Dark?
Sure, you’re looking for a post-party hook-up just as much as every guy that’s been hitting on you. Nevertheless, proceed with caution when choosing a bedmate in a dimly lit party full of masked merrymakers. Just because his Superman costume makes him look as ripped as Vin Diesel doesn’t mean he’s not really as fat and fugly as George Costanza.
Power In Numbers
It’s a known fact that girls hang out in packs in order to scare off less-than-attractive suitors and overzealous pursuers (read: potential date rapists). Halloween parties are no different. Employ the buddy system from summer camp swimming lessons and pair up with a girlfriend in order to stave off unwanted (read: unattractive) males. Your buddy can help get the point across when you’re either too shy or (most likely) too drunk to do so yourself. This would also be a good time to bring your FTC (fat tag-along chick) for protection. Don’t lie… you know your clique has one.
