By Ami Gavarian

After partying for an entire semester (and two-and-a-half weeks of vacation time) on your student loan’s dime, you’re left with little – if anything – in the tank… I mean bank. You’re not quite ready to give up your nightly bar-hopping habits just yet, but you realize that something’s gotta change if you’re going to keep up your partying at this pace. That something, unfortunately, is a job.

Don’t worry! Like the Hilton sisters and Rev Run’s kids, you, too, can make an easy buck exerting less energy than Jamie-Lynn Sigler at
an all-you-can-eat buffet. Read on and discover the wonders of collegiate employment… at least those of the legal persuasion.

Take A Test

No… not that kind. Like the god-awful FX show Testees, university science and research departments are always looking for unscrupulous and rather unhygienic coeds to help further their studies in everything from penis creams to estrogen levels… in men. You could easily net anywhere from $50–$100 per test session for something as mundane as electroshock therapy!

Get A Promotion

There’s no need to keep pouring your hard-earned cash into every local bar and club when you could just as easily have them pay you for your not-so-hard-earned work. Getting the word out about a certain club will net you free drinks all night long and a percentage  of the take at the door. It’s like sneaking into a bar and robbing their register… only legal!

Thicker Than Blood

Along the same lines as using your body for money is the age-old occupation of donating blood and plasma. Blood will net you about as much as that lame guitarist on the street corner with $3.50 in his open case. Plasma, however, can supplement your weekly partying habits by garnering you enough loot to drink all night during 2-for-1 beer and leave you some scratch for a soggy slice of pizza when you stumble out of the club like a high school freshman who just tried wine coolers for the first time.

Get On The Bus… boy

Free food? Check. Hot sorority chicks abound? Check. Meager compensation for eating and lounging around attractive females for a few hours? Check. Sorority house busboys are the hedge fund CEOs of the collegiate employment landscape. They get fed and paid to socialize with the hottest girls on campus. While you’ll probably make only $20 per night, you really can’t put a price on inside access to hot chicks running around in skimpy shorts and tight tees.