Teacher: “Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?” Nick: “What do you think it is, Sir?” Teacher: “I don’t think, I KNOW!” Nick: “I don’t think I know either, Sir!” Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? A: It doesn’t matter how many… they’ll all veto changing it in the first [...]
Q: What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man? A: A bachelor comes home, sees what’s in the refrigerator, then goes to bed. A married man comes home, sees what’s in the bed, then goes to the refrigerator. Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? A: [...]
Q: What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover? A: A rash of good luck. Q: What is the difference between men and women? A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. A member of the United States Senate, known for [...]
So, you’ve got a kitchen thief but you’re too sissy to step up and deal with it face-to-face. No problem! That’s nothing a little passive-aggressive note can’t take care of. Of course, then you risk being known as the coward who can’t confront anyone about your issues… which only means that [...]
One evening, a young woman came home from a date rather sad. She told her mother, “Anthony proposed to me an hour ago.” “Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked. “Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a Hell!” Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway. [...]
Yo Frankie! How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man? Mikey Excellent! Another pseudo-intellectual hippie douche coming to college thinking he’s the next big revolutionary poet/vegan chef. Just to clarify… nobody on campus is going to acknowledge your pitiful attempt at getting attention, and no girl will sleep with you [...]
A lecturer teaching medicine was telling his class about the utter importance of being observant at all times. He then took out a jar full of yellow liquid and announced to the class that is was full of urine. “To be successful in this field, you must be observant to sight, touch, smell and even taste,” [...]
How come there aren’t B batteries? In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills? How is it possible to have a civil war? Did Noah keep his bees in archives? Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer? How can there be self-help “groups”? How do you throw away a garbage can? Is a metaphor like a [...]
College is a unique experience unlike any other phase in your life. But the sensory overload of endless partying and complete autonomy makes it difficult to pick up on the little nuances that make college so special and distinctive. Well, here’s a little help to remind you that, yes, you’re actually [...]
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