By Kevin “Kage” Pearson Beware the hickey, a sign of sloppy, thoughtless making out with inexperienced undergrads. Avoid 18 year olds on their first year of underage drinking if hickeys are unwanted. Hickeys change into bite marks, as the freak-in-the-sheets gets older. When capillaries near the skin rupture and bleed from suction, the result is a [...]
You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. If 1,000 painters worked for a 1,000 years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you. I must be a snowflake because I’ve fallen for you. Are you an interior decorator? When I saw you the [...]
Nothing says true love like the pre-scripted protestations of devotion often found in the greetings of run-of-the-mill holiday cards. For too long, relationships have clung to the commercialized sanctity of corporate, meaningless holidays like Valentine’s Day. Candy, jewelry, restaurants, reservations and unnecessary stress are all reasons why we, as a culture, should not partake in such an ingenuous, bogus festivity. Aren’t diabetes and superficial greed big enough problems already in this country? Do we really need to tie in the underlying guilt of artificial, sensationalized love to further feed such flaws? There’s only one way to truly celebrate such practices, and that is with rebellion; one such method made possible through the logical stance of being SINGLE on VALENTINE’S DAY!
Shortly after a breakup, I decided to join an online dating site. It was just before winter break, and I figured I could get back into the dating world even while I was at home with my family. A friend of mine was already on OkCupid and met a really great guy, so I thought “What the hay? If nothing else, it’ll at least be some entertainment.” Boy, was it entertaining.
by Brian Hodges If ever there was a time in your life when it’s damn near impossible to look like “The Man” on a date, it’s now. You have no money, no contacts, nothing going for you that might make others think you’re anything but the frail little boy you really are. But that shouldn’t stop [...]
You’re so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line. You shouldn’t wear makeup. It’s messing with perfection! If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I’d have a galaxy in my hand. There isn’t a word in the dictionary for how good you look. Is there an airport nearby or is that [...]
My love for you burns like a dying phoenix. Interested in making some magic together? My wand is at the ready. I’m not wearing an invisibility cloak but do you think I could still visit your restricted section tonight? I’d like to get my basilisk into your chamber of secrets. If I were a stoplight, I’d turn red every [...]
By Rachel Sokol Men, listen up! Here’s some decoded information from LADIES… what they say, do, and really mean in order to get MEN to notice them! Pay attention to these obvious signs of flirtation. They may say one thing, but they really mean another! What She Says: “Hi! You’re Tommy’s (Insert any guy’s name) friend, right?” What She [...]
By Jessica DiGiacinto When it comes to dating, girls get a bad rap. Like it or not, a lot of people tend to characterize us as obsessive over-analyzers who dream about an engagement ring on the second date. Maybe some girls are like that, but I haven’t met many of them. Most of us are just [...]
Before we begin, let’s clarify something. When we say dating an older man, we’re not talking about a freshman shtupping a senior. “MAN” is a title no boy earns until he’s lived on his own, established a career, survived at least one long-term relationship and stopped eating with plastic utensils. So we’re talking an age [...]
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