The marketplace is full of stupid products. Most of them, even if it’s not something you’d ever buy, you can at least understand. After all, the ShamWow really does seem to work; Ugg boots do look as comfortable as they are dorky; and what woman wouldn’t appreciate a hot, ambiguously gay vampire? But there are three insanely popular products that we can’t seem to wrap our mind around no matter how hard we try.
Wii FIT
Really, America? Really? The whole world already thinks of us as fat, lazy slobs who never leave the couch in front of the television. Now you’re going to pay almost $100 for a video game workout program whose novelty is going to wear off in, oh, let’s say a week?
We’re going to say this just as clear as we can: workout regiments – every workout regiment – can be fun the first few times you do them. But they all eventually start to suck. Holding a remote control in your hand ain’t gonna make you stick with it any longer. It’ll just make you look like a sweatier version of the video game geek we all know you are at heart.
SNUGGIE
It’s not so much that we think this product is dumb. It’s really more of a math and logic problem. Think of this… do you know anyone with a Snuggie? Because we don’t know anyone with a Snuggie. Not a soul.
Everyone you’ve ever talked to agrees that a blanket with arms is pretty freakin’ dumb. So how on earth have they sold over four million of these things? It defies the fundamental laws of physics and the market.
It’s like the Spice Girls going gold when everyone on the planet openly despises their music! If you wanna wear a blanket like a onesie, be our guest. We ain’t gonna stop you. But the thing is, you aren’t wearing a blanket like a onesie. Nobody is wearing a blanket like a onesie. So where are all these stinkin’ Snuggies coming from?
KINDLE
Ah yes, the current darling of Amazon.com. You pay $359 for the book-sized “reading device” and then an additional $10 for every e-book you download into it.
Okay, so let’s get this straight… you want us to pay almost $400 for a book? And then another $10 every time we want to, ya know, read something? Apparently this doesn’t strike anyone else as odd because Amazon cannot keep these things on the virtual shelves.
Sorry guys, We know you’re trying to be techno-cool, but how many paperbacks would we need to buy to recoup the cost of this glorified iPod for books… which will probably become obsolete in two years anyway?
5 Unbreakable Sports Records
ella
8 months ago
i think your kind of being a little bitter about these products. have you ever used any of them? no? oh you just feel like smashing top-selling ideas because what? where’s your idea on the markets? hmmm.
Alex
8 months ago
i totally agree with you on thes products. You may be hitting a little hard on the Wii Fit, but everything else is pretty accurate. I especially agree with the Snuggie. its basically a robe you wear backwards, but looks twice as retarded! I guess its so you can look like a total tool without leaving the comfort of your own home.