After the World Wars, doctors found new disorders and afflictions that changed the psychological makeup of an entire country. Now, in the age of Internet, our society is once again plagued by newborn personality disorders that keep popping up like pimples on a middle schooler.

But there’s no need to trek down the Information Superhighway without a map… let us be your road guide for the crazy e-people you should avoid.

ALLCAPS Syndrome

Currently an enigma to Internet doctors worldwide, this disorder leads to irrational, belligerent anger when baited into a petty argument with a fellow chatter/poster. Instead of making a semi-funny quip or a self-deprecating joke to lighten the mood, this guy escalates the situation by turning a simple conversation about two rival sports teams into a crossfire about how your sister is a skank and your team’s best player does crack. To top it off, he writes in ALL CAPS to really drive home how pissed off he is at your e-logic.

Yental Incompetence

Ask yourself this: how do you find out about the worst, most depressing news stories in the world? If you’re like 99% of the lazy country, you find out secondhand from some sob story-spreading psycho on Facebook or an online forum. Whether a typhoon takes out half a third-world country or a Midwestern mother dies suddenly, leaving behind eight orphaned children, this doucher can’t help but pass the word. Yentals feed off of negative energy and depression like any other e-troll. Starve them by ignoring their tales of woe and eventually they’ll die out.

Beta-Grammer Disease

The Internet, like any other highly visited place in the world, has its own language that people generally follow when writing their two-sentence dissertations about last night’s episode of True Blood. But there’s always one a-hole who thinks that English is the universal language of the gods and makes it his duty to police the Interwebz with brute force. Beware of making a valid argument with one little typo, lest he ignores everything you’re trying to say to point out how you misspelled “ridiculous” with an “e.”

E-tention Defecit Disorder

Meet the viral version of ADD. For nothing more than s**ts and giggles, this guy intentionally picks fights with everyone over the dumbest crap. He’ll hate on The Godfather just to be that guy. He’ll make racially insensitive comments then call you racist for suppressing his right to voice his opinion. Hell, he’ll make fun of cancer just to rile up the masses. Since there’s no Ritalin for the Internet, you’ll just have to treat this assclown like you would any other punk bitch… by beating him senseless over and over again.