Throughout history, tons of pointless, idiotic things have been made. For instance, acid-washed jeans, Pet Rocks and Paris Hilton, to name a few. But every now and then, a truly moronic invention comes along that makes you scratch your head (and your balls) with sheer confusion. Here are six such creations that are sure to leave you more befuddled than Andy Dick in an all-girl orgy

Baby Cage (1937)

Before Michael Jackson was dangling babies outside his window, there was the Chelsea Baby Club in London. They used a metal cage suspended over a windowsill to show off their infants like lab rats. For a small fee, you could upgrade the cage to include a lick-n-drip water bottle and a workout wheel. Studies show that the vast majority of these babies ended up working at Disney as costumed Mickey Mouses. The rest grew up to kill their parents as revenge.

Venetian Blind Sunglasses (1950)

Why darken your lenses to block out the sun when you could just as easily thwart your vision with sequenced blinds on your glasses? Perhaps the only benefit from these fashion faux-pas was not being able to see how incredibly stupid and clown-like you looked in the mirror. Too bad nobody gave Kanye the message…

Rainy Day Cigarette Holder (1954)

What’s worse than a complete dependency on nicotine? For starters, being so hooked on smokes, you’re willing to create a rain-proof holder so you can puff in all types of weather conditions. Robert L. Stern, president of the Zeus Corporation, took a standard cigarette holder and added a way-too-easy-to-ridicule umbrella to shade the lit part of the stogie, allowing smokers everywhere to slowly kill themselves in rain or shine. Ah, the American Dream…

Cigarette Pack Holder (1955)

One year after the Rainy Day Cigarette Holder was invented, smokers were awarded an even better gift – a cigarette holder that actually held up to 20 cigs at once! As deadly as an atom bomb and eerily similar in appearance to a Jewish menorah, this invention wiped out more people than Vietnam and T-Pain’s music career combined. But, hey, when you gotta have a smoke (or 20), you gotta have it, right?

Anti-Bandit Bag (1963)

What do you do when a thief attempts to nab your briefcase? You release a trigger on the handle that makes all its contents scatter on the ground… then watch as the armed robber picks up all your stuff and makes off with it anyway.

Inventor John H. T. Rinfret thought his chain-pulled bag would deter thieves from pilfering his belongings. He ended up getting robbed just as often, with the added embarrassment of having to stand and watch as burglars took their sweet-ass time rounding up his goods.

Hubbard Electrometer (1968)

From the man who brought you the evil lord Xenu and Tom Cruise eating baby placenta came this world-changing invention that, um, measured pain in tomatoes.

After several experiments (and about 500 sanity tests), L. Ron Hubbard deduced that tomatoes “scream when sliced.” It’s safe to assume Hubbard charged the tomatoes a hefty fee for electrometer readings, promising to bring them enlightenment after they’d drained their entire life’s savings into his bank account.