People like to blame television for making women believe in unhealthy and unrealistic sexual ideals. But with all the fuss over how skinny this model looks or how trampy that actress dresses, nobody thinks about how TV has been screwing with a man’s sense of reality for decades.

Dozens of male TV characters have been getting way more, way better and way hotter nookie than their real-life prototypes could ever hope for. For years they’ve been setting us up for false hopes and unnecessary embarrassment as we try hitting on women who are way out of our league. And these dudes are the worst offenders.

GEORGE COSTANZA “SEINFELD”

His Prototype: The short, stocky,slow-witted, bald man.

Notable Conquests: George once told a sexy housekeeper, “I want to dip my bald head in oil and rub it all over your body.” But George really hit the jackpot with none other than Marisa Tomei. If only he wasn’t “kind of engaged” at the time…

The Damage: George ignited a belief that simply won’t die: dumb, fat guys have ashot at hot, skinny women. Alas, no…and pretending to be an architect won’t improve your chances either.

BARNEY STINSON “HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER”

His Prototype: The baby-faced womanizer with honest-to-god catchphrases.

Notable Conquests: With over 200 notches on his bedpost, Barney actually has a blind date “Lemon Law” that allows him to leave within the first five minutes to go “suit up” and chase something hotter. Legen… (wait for it)……dary!

The Damage: First of all, anyone with an actual catchphrase is automatic fodder for the douche pile. Second, when you look like Doogie Howser, women are going to treat you like Doogie Howser. Which means putting on the playah vibe is only going to make them laugh and ask why you’re out past curfew. “What up?” Not you, Scooter.

SAMUEL POWERS (A.K.A. Screech) “SAVED BY THE BELL”

His Prototype: His nickname wasScreech. Enough said?

Notable Conquests: Okay, so there was only one. A chorus geek named Violet. But she was played by Tori Spelling for crying out loud!

The Damage: Sorry boys, I know shows like this make you believe that the ugly, shrill social retard will eventually get the hot girl. But when that band geek finally comes a-callin’, she’s more likely to look like Aaron Spelling. And you should count yourself lucky… even for that.

ALEX P. KEATON “FAMILY TIES”

His Prototype: The smarmy, elitist, young Republican.

Notable Conquests: This red-stater got it on with a hard-line feminist, scored two dates to his senior prom and even dated a pre-Friends Courtney Cox! Even more amazing, though, he never got beaten up for wearing that stupid tie to school.

The Damage: Granted, this show aired during the height of Reaganomics. But that doesn’t change the fact that Republicans, as a whole, have never been a particularly sexy bunch. A modern-day Alex might be able to fix the economy, but if you wanna get laid, it’s best not to lead with, “So, I was watching Sean Hannity…”

CHANDLER BING “FRIENDS”

His Prototype: The funny, safe, ambiguously gay, “just-a-friend” friend.

Notable Conquests: Granted, his ladies were few and far between, but when he scored, he scored big. Monica aside, he’s had a hot girl from his office, Joey’s ex-girlfriend and sister, plus Julia freakin’ Roberts! Could he be less awesome?

The Damage: Sure, sure, women always say they want a nice guy with a sense of humor. But when’s the last time you saw them snubbing Brad Pitt for Mike Birbiglia? For real life Chandlers everywhere, “Oh… my… gawd,” a woman like Janice really is where you’re going to top out.